I wish I could tell you where I was now. I wish I could show you.
Second speaking, It's something you will never really know, or at least before it's too late. The only way you can see through my eyes is through my "eyes"... THE WAY I CAPTURE MY PHOTOGRAPHY.

Lately my work has been quite conventional. I have been told that I am scarey and need to be pretty and kind to be famous. BUT OH quite the contrary. The only way 'I WILL' become famous is to be me, otherwize it's the other one. The one whom I call my shell. That to me is not worth it.

Sometimes when I think about it, I can just see myself inside 'myself', the shell. It's wierd, but somehow lets me recap and think about everything 100% instead of 30%. Trust me, it makes quicker getting over to stare it in the face.

Ex.
My mother told me of how she was scared of spiders, so she decided to stare at them for a while (look them in the face). Staring at them (facing your fear) got her used to the fact that they were spiders a lot quicker, small black squishable slow bugs who were just as scared.
That introduces the second fact, you have to view the fears that the other factor (player) might consist of.

After I was being held captive and fuked over and over again, I could do nothing but flash back and panick, this caused my memories to be very hazy. Something most people don't get. This concept helped me to see what happend and made me feel better seeing myself in a shell because i felt like they were only getting my shell, not me. I was only there. This made myself bearable again. If you panic every time you see this, you will never make it. You will see it everyday for the rest of your life, but it depends on how you can manage to see it. Cut off flash backs will only make things worse and set you into panic mode, it causes feelings of enxiety and paranoia. I sometimes feel as if its about to happen again. One thing for sure, you always need to see the hole picture.

Something else, it really does matter who you hang out with. No matter how many times you argue with your mother about this, the fact is... one wrong decision leads to another. we dont automatically adjust. The people you put yourself around WILL effect how you are doing if you are not already completely independent, and in some cases it doesn't even matter how dependent you are.
Another key, yes... people really are out to get you... there ARE people that live a life learning how they can survive off of you. They know what to look for, they know what to do, it really goes on. It is their turf, they know the plains. BE CAREFULL! In some cases being over paranoid is important, like when your walking on eggshells for instance. lol. Don't worry, your not being paranoid really, your being cautious and taking necessary percautions. As for not knowing when to trust people, IDK. I guess if the right person ever comes around, you'll know.